i spent christmas alone while my family got together and fought, and honestly i feel so good about this
i bought myself presents, cooked a big meal, drank wine and watched Home Alone 3 w/ my dog. I don’t feel sorry for myself at all.
meanwhile my sister threatened to disown my dad so he threatened to disown her, while my mom enabled and my other sister downed a bottle of wine to deal.
on the other side of the country, i was busy discovering, to my delight, that the that the 3rd installment of the Home Alone franchise not only stood up to the test of time, but contains some of the best oneliners and comedic timing I have ever seen.
honestly, keep toxic people out of your life. family isn’t everything, and bad family is often worse than no family. don’t be afraid to put in some distance, especially during high stress times like the holidays. you don’t actually owe them anything.
being alone for the holidays is so much better than being with people who make you unhappy.
Bringing this back for Thanksgiving!
I want all of my followers with homophobic, lesbophobic, transphobic, biphobic etc… parents to read this.
wanted to be angry and all “but it’s you family” but then I remembered that we don’t really talko to my unkle and his family bc they are stupid and so ugh nope… not wasting my time on toxip people
Things I wish I knew before I started having casual sex:
If you’re only really having sex when you’re drunk, this is a problem, especially when you barely remember how and why and sometimes who
Don’t let men make you think that you’re clingy for wanting to be more than a plaything, and walk away when you realize you’re not going to get what you want. You cannot fuck someone into loving you. Being the cool girl who’s down for whatever is great and all, but you often feel very lonely especially when it seems they never choose you for anything but a fuck but seriously date other people
Just because you can tell they expect sex, it doesn’t mean you have to do it.
Losing someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries is not the end of the world. There are a lot of people on this planet, you’re worth more than that.
It might seem like everyone is ~liberated nowadays, but if you’re a girl who has sex with men, people will have shit to say. It’s not fair, and it’s not right, but it’s reality. It’s fun to go on Twitter and shit to make being a ‘ho’ your thing, but in real life it can really fucking suck. Discretion is helpful more often than not.
Educate yourself properly on safe sex, as well as how different illnesses are spread. You might think you know, but most high schools do not cover enough.
Get tested. There’s no shame in it. The doctor doesn’t care like that, and they are there to help. Knowing can be scary but not knowing is worse.
Sex feels best when you both give a shit about the other person and their satisfaction.
Girls, don’t let men be selfish. We worry about looking like models, fucking like porn stars, if we should wax or shave even if our skin is sensitive. I spent a lot of years more concerned about if I gave good head rather than even knowing what I liked done to me. It doesn’t have to be like that. Sex should also be about you.
Not having sex is really no one’s business but yours. You’re not missing out on all that much though it can be great. If and when you’re ready it’ll happen.
Ultimately, it’s up to you if no strings attached life is for you. I don’t advise going into it thinking it’s the way to a relationship although that does happen, but when it doesn’t you will feel used and disappointed and it’s a hard cycle to break.
You are not vanilla or a prude or whatever just because you don’t want to be on the receiving end of rough sex.
Listen to yourself always 💕
Go to a sex shop and BUY SOME TOYS. know how to get yourself off before you have more sex with people who might not even care to figure it out.
There so much… animosity towards nanowrimo and tbh as someone who 1. was primarily shaped as a writer by nano and 2. usually throws out 90% of their nano words, I want to say it’s completely possible to part peaceably from an event.
I know there’s social pressure involved when you’re a writing blog around November. That pressure is generally going to come in the form of people asking “are you doing nano”? And I want to clarify before that gets into full swing that the pressure involved is not intentional on their part. They didn’t mean to push you into doing something you know won’t be good for you. They’re just looking for people they can add to their buddy list and agonize with while they’re stretching their writing muscles. Please don’t take it personally. ((And please don’t pressure others ffs))
That said, the presence of that animosity kinda seems to imply that people have had some serious struggles with nano in the past. So let me say this:
1. There is no shame in a reduced wordcount
2. Giving up is an option you should seriously consider if you realize the strain is negatively impacting your life and your writing
3. Nano is supposed to be motivating, uplifting, and an enriching social activity. If it’s not hitting any of those points and doesn’t have some added benefit not on that list, it’s not helping you. (A lot of people get really, REALLY down on themselves during nano. It’s… extremely unfortunate, actually)
4. Discovering your own limitations as a writer is a big part of this event, but you need to remember to watch for when it’s pushing you too far, and scale back when you hit that point. Making yourself hate your writing like I and so many others have does not help you.
Pushing yourself until you hate seeing November come up is not healthy, and you shouldn’t put yourself through that. But holding a grudge against a well-meaning event that excites and motivates plenty of other writers isn’t a good look, either.
Please, just do what’s best for you and let the rest be excited if they want to.
THIS.
I’ve never done a full nano myself. Just never been in a place where it’d be helpful or feasible to do it, either for writing-related reasons or life-related reasons.
I have done some half-nanos (in which I actually surpassed my goals!) and “participation goals” where I’d consider it a win just to write something, anything, every day for nano.
I made up my own goals and rules because it was fun for me to have a sense of participation with everyone else frantically working on their projects, even if I couldn’t participate at the “official” level for one reason or another.
I won’t say there haven’t been times where I felt like a failure for never getting the Full Nano Experience (especially, ahem, in the company of certain people who could get their 50,000 words down 10 days into November), but y’know what? That’s just not me or my writing style. Maybe someday it will be, but not now.
In the meantime, I can have fun being a part of things at my own pace. Or cheering on and sympathizing with other writers from the sidelines in the years where I can’t or don’t want to participate.
Do what works for you. Challenge yourself from time to time, but be smart about what you choose to tackle and when. Don’t stress or hang your worth, as a writer or as a person, on other people’s goals.
I used to push myself way too hard all the time. For NaNo, I would stay up late trying to catch up and then burn out early in the month and feel depressed about failing. It didn’t matter to me that most people who participate in NaNo don’t finish 50,000 words, I thought I should just be able to. After finding out I have ADHD, I’ve learned to let go of that kind of pressure (though it’s still frustrating), and I try to be kinder to myself in all areas of life. I want to finish NaNo this year, but it’s not worth losing sleep over. It’s just for fun.
Don’t assume malice. Assume ignorance. Life is easier, the world is kinder, and you can educate. Actual malice is pretty rare, I find.
Always remember Hanlon’s Razor–”Never assume malice when incompetence will suffice as an explanation.”
That’s said, never forget Fred Clark’s Law, either: “Sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice.” There’s a certain point at which ignorance becomes malice–at which there is simply no way to become that ignorant except deliberately and maliciously.
I’m ok. I’m gonna be ok. I’m gonna live a beautiful life and I’ll get to know beautiful people. I will create things of beauty and be surrounded by flowers. And I’ll love myself, and I’ll be soft, I’ll be kind. And I’ll be ok.
ppl are so annoying “you can’t paint ur bedroom pink you’re an adult” i did not spend my entire life waiting to grow up and control my life to paint my bedroom beige
I had a sales woman in furniture store try and tell me not to buy a hot bubblegum pink loveseat because she wanted me to “think about the future”
Bitch, I am thinking about the future. I already got a hot bubblegum pink couch at home and now I need a loveseat to go with it.
when I first bought my house, I announced my decision to paint my bedroom purple. I had wanted a purple bedroom for thirty damn years, you fucking bet I was gonna have one now. My friends decided, for some reason, that I meant what one of them referred to as “14 year old girl purple” (through what’s wrong with the colors a 14 year old girl chooses, I don’t know, even if they’re not what I want as an adult). They didn’t believe me until they saw the color on the actual wall, even thought they helped me pick out paints. My mother, meanwhile, decided to get worried that if I painted my bedroom a “dark purple”, it would be “depressing”. As if, with an entire house to live in, I would spend all my time in the bedroom, which I wanted to be dark because I would be sleeping in there. In the damn dark.
I had like one, maybe two friends who were all like FUCK YEAH YOU PAINT IT WHATEVER COLOR YOU WANT, PURPLE BEDROOMS ARE AWESOME.
But when they actualy saw the finished bedroom, every single one of them was like, “Oh yeah, that’s really pretty.” (Well, the ones who supported me from the beginning were more like WOOHOO.)
And the moral of the story is: Fuck ‘em, please yourself. Either they’ll come around, or you can safely ignore every question of taste they opine about for the rest of time.
This applies to other adulting activities, too. When I was a kid, I decided that I wanted to have a wedding cake made of doughnuts. When I got older, I figured that I would be “mature” about it and get a traditional cake, which the older adults approved of. Now that I’m 25 and facing the possibility of actual marriage in the near future, I’m just like “marriage is a social construct but it comes with tax & insurance benefits, so just give me that goddamn doughnut cake.” If they don’t like it then they don’t have to come to my wedding.
“…People say “only human” as though being human is a small thing to be.
Until you learn the truth about the celestial violence that made you, an impossibility.”
Consulting Witch 