somecunttookmyurl:

somecunttookmyurl:

somecunttookmyurl:

Listen my dudes Ancient Egypt existed for a really fuckass long time. Literally just Pharaonic civilization lasted 3,000 years. That’s not even including predynastic civilization and Roman rule. If you lump that in you’re looking at more like… 5,000 years.

Like. If you want a comparison of how long that is: THE YEAR IS CURRENTLY 2018. TWO THOUSAND. TWO-THIRDS OF ANCIENT EGYPTIAN PHARAONIC CIVILIZATION HAVE HAPPENED SINCE THE ‘BIRTH OF JESUS CHRIST’

We comparatively just entered the Third Intermediate Period. The Greeks will not take over for another 700~ years. Cleopatra will not be born until the year 2931.

It’s a really long time guys.

Anyway look. Listen. I sat my ass down and wrote out a timeline of “when shit happened if you started at 1AD” because I know backwards numbers are hard to process but here’s an abridged version.

If the first Egyptian Pharaoh came to power in 1AD then…

300: step pyramid built

450: Great Pyramid at Giza built

815: Pepi II dies and civil war breaks out

950: Egypt re-unified

1350: Middle Kingdom ends

1450: New Kingdom begins

1520: Hatshepsut is on the throne

1650: Ahkenaten switches to monotheistic religion and builds a new city

1680: Tutankhamun dies

1720: Ramesses II ‘the great’ ascends to the throne

1740: World’s first peace treaty signed
1790: Ramesses II dies leaving way too many children

1920: Egypt breaks into 2 states again

And now we get to ~~~~the future~~~~. If we started at 1AD all of this stuff hasn’t happened yet

2050: Briefly re-united as a single state

2180: Civil war
2250: Nubian kings take over

2335: Assyrian conquest

2665: Alexander the Great conquers Egypt

2930: Cleopatra VII born

2970: Cleopatra VII dies. Egypt falls to Rome. Fin.

And that’s just starting with the Pharaohs. If you wanted to start with Predynastic Egypt, you can go ahead and ADD ONE THOUSAND YEARS to all of those dates

I hate that this is still getting notes but that it’s getting notes *without the timeline addition* like c’mon, man. I had to do MATHS for this. I DID MATHS FOR YOU PEOPLE AND ALL I GOT WAS A BUNCH OF RACISTS

hymnsofheresy:

I can’t believe that the sacredness of shared meals is not well known??? 

Mealtime is an extremely important cultural and social ritual. There are psychological benefits for cooking for other people, and serving a meal stabilizes the emotions between the provider and the receiver. Cooking with your partner, like accomplishing any task together, strengthens relationships. Eating together strengthens communal bonds and helps with mental health. Sharing the same food with someone else builds trust, cooperation, and a sense of connectivity. It’s a shame how in our fast paced society we don’t value the importance of regularly breaking bread with one another

roachpatrol:

insufficientlykinglike:

gothvegas:

ollies-outies:

siderealsandman:

abadmeanmess:

siderealsandman:

davefunkadelic:

siderealsandman:

the biggest lie, i think, the internet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny little twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon

like a dragon…a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet…a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid form…would look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn’t even love them and go…yeah I’d like to fuck that

Counterpoint, my good man:

Dragons fuck

Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I’m Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I’m not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards.

Counter-counterpoint: dragons are SUPER horny

Counter-counter-counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they’ve got better prospects than spindly little bards!!!! They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!!! They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting volcano! 

There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons; so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn’t washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon’s lair! 

Seriously!!! 

I don’t care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bite! When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can’t at least True Polymorph to make things interesting 

triple-counterpoint:

you’re right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength half-elf twink bard’s sexual prospects with this post

OP is right and they should say it

Actually… 

As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match dragons for horny-ness is, in fact, nymphs. 

Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go forth and thot your way through your DM’s carefully planned Big Bad encounter and 

fuck the dragon. 

@splickedylit

otherwindow:

otherwindow:

A haunted doll mistaking a creepy android to be a bigger, stronger, haunted doll, and the creepy android mistaking the haunted doll as a smaller, sassier android.

Android: [gets hit with rain water and short circuits]
Haunted Doll: H̷O̷L̴Y̷ ̶W̵A̷T̸E̷R̶ ̵W̴A̵T̴C̵H̴ ̶O̶U̷T̴

Haunted Doll, dying: N̶E̵E̸D̷ ̷S̸O̵U̵L̸S̷
Android: [opens the haunted doll’s back and replaces the batteries]
Haunted Doll: A̶C̶C̷E̷P̸T̶A̷B̸L̵E̴ ̷S̴U̴B̸S̵T̸I̷T̷U̴T̵E̴

Android: [transfers their data into a better body]
Haunted Doll: A̸ ̵F̴L̸A̷W̵L̷E̴S̵S̷ ̷B̶O̸D̶Y̵ ̷P̶O̵S̶S̵E̷S̶S̵I̷O̷N̴